A stupid decision... an awesome retreat!

Well, I just got done with my second personal retreat (to read about my first one, check out Kenya Email Update #8). Like my last one, it was pretty dang amazing. Unfortunately, the “amazing” part didn’t really happen till last night and this morning (right before leaving). The rest of the retreat was pretty miserable…

You see, I made the brilliant decision to try fasting the whole time. 48 hours of only water. Of course, it sounded good on paper, but the longest I had ever fasted before was 30 hours back in Junior High. Hehe… Looking back it was a pretty stupid idea to go so long.

But I guess God still works through our stupid decisions. In fact, he did things for me that never would have happened if I had been eating the whole time!

Last night, as I was miserably swimming in and out of consciousness, desperately wishing for the retreat to be over, something clicked. I sat up in my chair, got a pen, and started journaling. The things that were written on the page totally surprised me. All of a sudden I was thinking logically, as if I was in my “zone” (which usually only happens after three cups of coffee).

I came up with some awesome next steps for the rest of this year. I had a clear vision of where I was headed and who I wanted to be when I left. Then, exhausted, I fell into bed. To describe what happened when I woke up, I’ll just copy straight from my next journal entry… (sorry for the length… I was really feelin’ it.)

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Ok. So I gave in. When I woke up this morning I was miserable. My body was shaking uncontrollably, my head was spinning, and I honestly felt like I was in the midst of some terrible disease. Needless to say, it wasn’t my favorite experience ever.

So yeah. I went out to the dining hall (after a mindless and nauseating shower), and asked to have breakfast. Eggs and toast have never tasted so good. Believe me. I ate more than half of a loaf of bread and threw down two cups of coffee. Then I ran back to my bed, threw my Massai blanket over myself, and dozed as the food worked energy into my system.

When I woke up, I felt so much better. I grabbed the notebook on which I had written last-night’s thoughts and started praying over all my decisions. I prayed without interruption for 30 minutes! It was amazing! I actually sat there talking to God without letting my mind wander! Now, I don’t want to over-spiritualize the moment, but it honestly felt like God was right there, listening to me. Wow.

Right now I’m at Java, enjoying a wonderful lunch (burger and chips). In fact, I think I’ll go all the way. I’m getting ice cream (single scoop of course… don’t want to overdo it!).

As I look back on my retreat, I see a few interesting things emerging. As miserable as I was going without food for so long, I’m kind of glad I did it. Kind of! It did force me to rely on God and definitely taught me to appreciate food. Now, on my next retreat, I’m doing meals. It is hard to make serious life changing decisions when all I can do is stare off into space, barely engaging with reality…

But because I couldn’t do anything on my own, I believe that God gave me the insights I received. I think if I alone had been making those lists, they would have been something like 1) Yarp enoughly. 2) Find my do consistently 3) Happy my peoples between mountain goats…

As it was, however, I think I came up with some really good stuff. And my prayer this morning? Wow. I doubt it would have been so sincere if I was still fat n’ happy. So after all that, I think it worked out for the best. Or maybe God took my dumb decision and made the best out of it…

Whatever the case, I’m excited about what the next 5 and a half months have in store for me. It’ll be a wild, much-too-quick, life-changing, challenging and memorable time. Can’t wait!